Oof

Just try.

I'm writing this on the first day the sun has been out since I officially moved. Cold is an understatement but my window is wide open. Idiotic perhaps but some fresh air is always good.

I'll admit, this summer has been interesting. I had no idea what to title this blog because it's a bit of a ramble I suppose. I've been away from social media particularly as I just couldn't bare it. Looking back, the high moments were good. I passed my first year of uni, performed at some new groovy places, got me a boyfriend, almost finished recording an EP with Floodgate (new band, keep an eye out) and went on holiday with my wonderful family. On the surface, it has been amazing. I'm incredibly grateful to those who have supported me and given me opportunities that I wouldn't have ever imagined when I was younger. It's all been slightly blurry though and if I'm being truthful, it's been hard.

Over the past few months, I haven't been feeling my best. I've been debating constantly whether to actually talk about this and if it would be a good idea. No doubt, I am all for sharing certain challenges and opening up to people because I genuinely believe it can really help. I always want people to feel comfortable speaking up about difficult matters and I admire those with the bravery to do that. But as it's still quite personal to me, I've decided against going into detail about it and rather let you know that I'm doing a little bit better. This is a messy world right now which can be pretty overwhelming. I feel useless a lot of the time, feeling as if there's nothing I can do to help the situation. Simply put, I don't want to add to that. I am extremely lucky to have a very close, supportive network around me and without these people, I think I would be completely lost right now. In a strange way, I am thankful it's happened. I'm beginning to really appreciate small moments whether it's successfully going shopping with my new trolley (it's covered in dogs and it is the best purchase I've eVER made no joke) or watching my family enjoying the sun together. To those who have been there to help me, thank you.

So, I moved out. I found a little studio to rent in Birmingham that I have stocked with pillows and plants to make it more homely. Strangely, I have always been very against the idea of moving out. It's no secret that I am more of the 'homebody' type but all of a sudden, I switched. Seeing people experience having their own little place to call home excited me and I wanted to share that feeling too. I do miss my family though. It's weird having no grunts from my pooch when I open the door either. My room is at the very top of the building and the view is incredible. In some bizarre way, seeing the city from this distance makes it somewhat beautiful. The fireworks that go off at ten o'clock at night are welcomed instead of unwanted. I feel safe here. And I did it.

I have begun my second year of uni where I hope to build on my lost confidence and regain some of the friendships I may have unfortunately pushed away. I want to enjoy music rather than let it get me down. And I want to figure out how to bloody use this new kitchen hob as it is driving me crazy.

I guess I should be proud of myself. Someday I will be, I've just got to try.